We Don’t Need to Feel Worse First in Order to Feel Better

(A gentle rethink of “release culture” and why slower healing is often safer and deeper)

There’s so much information out there about stress, trauma, and how to heal that it can feel overwhelming. One narrative I find particularly challenging - and increasingly common - is the idea that we must constantly release, purge, or get rid of whatever feels “bad” inside us in order to feel better.

By bad, we usually mean discomfort - tension, pain, anxiety, heaviness - sensations that may be entangled with trauma, chronic stress, or life-long patterns of bracing.

It’s understandable that we want these experiences gone. Of course we do. But the belief that healing requires us to first feel worse - or push ourselves through discomfort to “get to the good stuff” - is, in many cases, both untrue and unsafe.

There is another way. And it begins with not forcing anything.

A Culture Obsessed with “Letting It Go”

Within the wellness world, we’re surrounded by practices that promise release: deep tissue massage that leaves you bruised, breathwork that pushes you into altered states, yoga classes that prioritise collapse over support, and the familiar refrain: just let it go.

The underlying message is that discomfort must be exorcised to be healed.
That intensity equals effectiveness.
That catharsis equals transformation.

But this quick-fix model mirrors the values of the culture we live in: get it done fast, clear it out, move on, be productive, don’t slow down.

And while catharsis can sometimes feel liberating, it often bypasses the foundations of long-term healing. More importantly: it can destabilise the very people who most need gentleness.

Your Tension Has a Function

What we long to release - tension, holding, contraction - didn’t appear by accident.

It formed for a reason.

Your body is always trying to protect you.

Coping mechanisms, muscular bracing, emotional numbing - these are intelligent responses created to keep you functioning, connected, and alive. Removing them too quickly can feel like taking the scaffolding off a building before the structure is stable.

You don’t become free by ripping away your defences. You become free by slowly building the internal strength that makes those defences unnecessary.

Healing Doesn’t Begin with Feeling More — It Begins with Feeling Safe

No real healing begins in the body without the foundation of safety and stabilisation.

If your system doesn’t feel safe - or safe enough - any discomfort you touch will feel like too much. Past experiences may feel present, and activation can spiral.

This is why I rarely force attention on sensation with clients, even as a somatic coach. For anyone living with trauma, chronic stress, anxiety, or somatic symptoms, inward attention can be overwhelming. Going into the body isn’t always the safest route.

Sometimes, to be more in your body, you first need to get out of your body - into the room, into the environment, into connection.

*If you’d like a gentle place to begin, you can explore my short Orientation Practice here - a simple way to help your body find “safe enough” without diving into sensation.

Small, Creative Resources Change Everything

Before we ever “go deep”, we need to build the conditions for safety, steadiness, and capacity.
This means discovering the resources that feel supportive, enlivening, or simply doable.

These might include:

• movement that feels playful, not productive

• sensations that feel pleasant or neutral

• simple orientation to colour, sound, or texture

• activities that spark joy or calm

• practices that help you feel your strength and “I’ve got this”

As we repeat these small steps, our system gently reorganises. Over time, outdated survival strategies - bracing, avoidance, overworking, emotional suppression - begin to fall away on their own, because the body has developed new ways to feel resourced and supported.

This is slow healing.
Sustainable healing.
And it lasts.

Is There a Place for Catharsis?

Absolutely.
Crying is catharsis. Laughter is catharsis. A good shake, a deep exhale, a moment of release - these are natural and human.

But forced catharsis is different.

I’ve had breathwork and yoga experiences that felt incredible - and others that deeply dysregulated me, triggering mental health spirals that took significant support to recover from. I’m not willing to play that lottery with myself, and certainly not with clients.

If a class or a coach pushes you beyond what feels “safe enough” - leave.
Your system knows more than anyone else.

Catharsis can be healing only when the foundation is strong.
Only when the container is stable.
Only when the system has enough capacity to hold what moves.

Healing Without Collapse

In my work, my role is to help clients recognise their thresholds - how much activation their system can hold without overwhelm - and to build the bandwidth for bigger feelings over time.

We move slowly.
We titrate.
We return to safety again and again.

This rhythm teaches the body:
I can feel this and not fall apart.
I can meet intensity and stay connected.
I can return to myself.

This is the heart of sustainable somatic healing - not forcing release, but building the capacity that makes release safe.

Because healing isn’t about feeling worse before you feel better.

It’s about feeling safe enough to feel, and safe enough to stop feeling - at the pace your system chooses.

A New Way Forward

What if healing didn’t require collapse, overwhelm, or emotional excavation? What if feeling better wasn’t something you had to force at all? What if your system already knew how to heal - and simply needed you to go slowly enough to hear it?

This is the principle at the centre of everything I do : your biology isn’t the barrier to your healing - it’s the path.

A Gentle Invitation

If you’re curious about a slower, more stabilising approach to healing - one that doesn’t demand intensity or painful release - you might enjoy exploring Organic Intelligence® and my somatic coaching work.

You can read more about my approach here:
👉 Intro to Organic Intelligence® — What It Is and How It Helps
👉 Inside the Practice — The Principles of Organic Intelligence®
👉 Living in Synchrony — Everyday Organic Intelligence®

And if you’d like support in finding safety, steadiness, and a more compassionate relationship with your body, you can learn more about working with me here.

Your system already knows the way home. We just go gently.